Upwardly mobile: What do silver surfers want?

Like most corporate smart cookies, the mobile operators and handset floggers have woken up to the fact that there's an aging population with not inconsiderable spending power on the horizon. And, like most corporates, smart or otherwise, they're flailing about in an effort to work out how best to siphon off all this spare cash.

Vodafone is one of the first in the UK to take the baby boomers seriously in mobile terms. Vodafone's token effort is the - wait for it - Simple, a device meant to be - yes, you've guessed it - simple. It's a Harry Big Button phone, looks-wise. Remember the electronics boom of the 80s, when the crappiest of hardware came in Playschool primary colours with buttons so sticky you might give yourself a hernia switching them on? That's the inspiration for the Simple, it would seem - all big keys and nursemaid voice-and-text-only-for-you, granny.

And I'm sure there's a section of the ageing population that expects that sort of lowest common denominator services - but I expect that people capable of setting up their own Freeview boxes and working iPods will soon view the likes of the Simple phone as the technological equivalent of Crosssroads - "It was kind of fun for a while but how long did you realistically expect us to put up with this tat?"

Of course, the idea of the Simple phone is not to be sniffed at. Big buttons and large text are handy.

But, as with most mobile trends, it's worth taking a look at Japan for some inspiration. Japan has its own Simple trend, with a handset range called Raku Raku from operator NTT DoCoMo. (Try saying the name again once or twice, it will give you the same satisfaction as twisting bubble wrap til it haemorrhages). It's gone down very well, so I hear.

Yes, it's got that whole big-button thing but it's also got a lot more. For one thing, it slows speech down to 70 per cent of its normal speed to help the hard of hearing. It's also got a pedometer and a panic button - that's the kind of convergence that might make a lot more sense to people. Other similar devices also sport extra loud speakers or a magnifying glass.

I can't help wondering either if FMC couldn't play a part here - if an elderly person had a single device to keep on them at all times, there's always going to be some way of communicating with someone close at hand, whether at home or down the shops, and one bill to worry about.

But surely, while no one would dispute the utility of a panic alarm or similar, not all the elderly are infirm. What about a bit of entertainment? Because, in short, there isn't an awful lot aimed at oldies.

But I suspect that might yet be the operators' masterstroke. Who wants to be labelled old? Not even the old folk themselves. Slapping 'for elderly users' on something makes it as appealing as a full colostomy bag, even for those who should identify with the label.

I suspect older users want what younger users want, at base - access to radio, a spot of web browsing and so on. They may prefer The Archers to Tim Westwood, but the transport mechanism remains the same.

Am I overestimating the silver surfers? I don't think so. After a couple of weeks teaching the vagaries of Windows to my technophobic mother - who last dallied with PCs when WordStar was high-tech and screens came in any colour as long as it was green - she has now mastered the art of eBay to a worrying degree, doubtless offloading all her unwanted crap to another silver surfer. I don't doubt she'd be using i-mode, mobile email and video downloads on her phone if someone showed her how to. (Of course you couldn't use those terms, but if you told her she could get Gardeners' World updates and Antiques Roadshow on the go, she'd be up for it).

I would wager my mother spends more time and money online per year than I do and for that reason, I really hope nobody ever comes up with a better proposition for the young at heart, old in body mobile user than the Simple - I'm not sure mum's pension could cope with the upturn in ecommerce. Sorry mum. Sorry eBay.